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Uncertanties lead to strength

Gabriel Lee
November 23rd, 2020 · 3 min read

If my thoughts were written…

Honestly, being in close to my mid-30s. Leaving a safe and secure job for another is alittle daunting. Many have asked me why I made this choice, but my answer to them was that I didn’t know why either. It was just a gut feeling, first the organization was rotting to the core. The “leaders” living in their ivory tower away from all the actual problems, and the jesters in the court dancing and prancing around with their distractions.

I vividly remembered what the big bulldog responded to my colleague who has also left for a better prospect.

“I’m sorry I cannot help you if you are not one of us.”

Reminiscing the lessons from the past… First lesson

About 5 years ago, I had an opportunity to travel overseas on a mission. The 5 of us, comprising of 1 Senior Officer who was our team leader, 2 Officers who were our experienced members and the 2 Juniors which were me and another member. My role was to be the comms specialist and IT guy.

Incident 1

On the first day of arrival after setting up the equipment, and doing our respective recon and meet up with the liasons. It went pretty well, but on the second day in the early morning. While I was fixing the equipment setup our Team Leader walked past and ask what I was doing I didn’t think much about it until, during lunch I was informed by my Senior that the Team Leader said I was not in appropriate dressing in the corridor this morning.

Incident 2 Part 1

The night before returning, we had some drinks by the bar. We all had a bad hangover and I decided not to have breakfast together and sleep in. While leaving we took a group photo before our flight, everyone was in jeans or pants while I was the only one in bermudas.

Incident 2 Part 2

Some months later, during the annual ranking assessment. When I was head-to-head with another person, this team “leader” said that during the mission I was dressed inappropriately and was not in proper attire during the mission. This hit me real hard as I lost the chance to promote.

The lesson? Think twice when someone asks you a question. There might be a hidden agenda.

The price? Just losing the chance to catch up to my peers in rank and giving someone who was later found to have disciplinary issues and affairs promote and still promote without any significant action.

The reason? Because I was not “his” YES-man. I question his “authority” because I found his decisions to be incorrect and against the rules.

The Second Lesson

After this incident, my mentor/supervisor was due to retire. Knowing that I have been hard, he advised for me to leave my current department. Taking his advice, I found my way out. However, during my conversation with the “upper” management. I was threatened that should I leave, it would be the end of my career and my decision to leave was purely based on my personal feelings against the Team Leader (who was part of the upper management and still is).

True enough when I left my department for another, I was informed by my new supervisor that my original performance was dropped from a B+ to a C+. And it would affect my promotion for the next 3 years. My

The lesson? Never give in to threats, it just shows how bad the management is in terms your well-being.

The price? No promotion in sight for the next 3 years.

The reason? I didn’t stay where I was like a good dog.

Third Lesson

I moved on from my previous department, I worked hard learnt new skills and improved them and to prove that I was able to take on the role. I made many changes and projects during my last 2 years in this department. Everything was going fine, until I was told that I would be under investigation for FE which was flagged out 2017 while I was in my previous department.

The lesson? The far reaches of the upper echelon, can manipulate and destroy your life.

The price? Worst case: Letter of Warning which will result in a 5 years debarment. Best case: 3 years more before I can promote.

The reason? I didn’t stay as I was told and they throw a wildcard.

Life throw a hard curveball in your face.

I’m glad that I woke up, the 10 years of experience has made me who I am. My beliefs still remain the same, I’m not built to be a mindless slave. I’ve met with really good people whom were great mentors but also had difficult pasts worst than mine. But something which all of them had in common, was that they left the force. And many of them, are doing really well now.

I hope that I can be like them, and I’m positive that I will be able to be better than what those people have done to me.

for reasons i’ve removed their names

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